I Want My Stephen Colbert

Look. Haven't we suffered enough? Through the endless primary campaign season, a president who gets dumber by the day and a media that's more attune to the starlet du jour than the war of the century? Haven't we? But no, on top of everything, we have to also make do with this grim reality they called life, without The Daily Show or the Colbert Report. It's too much. We're going to crack. Without all those late-night fake news shows that actually bother to watch C-Span so that we don't have to, I have lost my gallows humor and am just ready for the gallows.

Look, let's get Hollywood on the line. I'm ready to deal. Give Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert whatever they want. It's what us "kids" watch anyway, not any of your poor-excuse-for-a-TV- lineups. Yah, you were worried we wouldn't notice if your dumb shows went away, and we didn't. But our fake news shows? That's a travesty. It should be illegal. So pay these people and deal with the rest of the writers later. We'll all thank you.