It's Not Just About You

Years ago, when Amy Richards was promoting Grassroots Feminism, the book she co-wrote with Jessica Baumgardner, I interviewed her on riding the third wave of feminism. I told her many of my friends who embraced feminism were struggling with the new role of motherhood. She, a new mother, told me she was working on a new book called "Opting In," about being a feminist and a mother. Opting in plays on the now infamous Lisa Belkin 2003 piece for the New York Times Magazine on the "Opt-Out Revolution," that trumpeted the pseudo-trend of smart women leaving high-powered careers for mommy and me playdates. While Richards didn't buy it, she also wanted to push moms to not just make their mom-work-lives work for them personally, but get involved to change policy, too. Here's some of Courtney Martin's interview with Richards in Alternet on her new book. On a feminist litmus test:

For me, the best way to explain it is that it has to be about more than you. It's great if you want to have and can have a home birth, but can others? It's great that you and your partner can start a chore wheel to have a more equitable household -- but what if you don't even have time to start a chore wheel? Feminism isn't about securing rights just for yourself as a mother, it's about ensuring that others can have that confidence and freedom, too.

On why the personal is threatening:

I think it's really hard for us to bring things down to a personal level -- one, because we don't want to be perceived as judging others, and two, we don't want to be vulnerable or exposed. Also, lobbying for legislation simply requires us to say, "Yes, parenting is hard work and it should be remunerated," or to show up at a meeting and testify that early childhood education is an under-addressed problem. But more personal transformation actually requires us to re-examine our lives. For instance, if we really want to be "green," why are we buying that new sweater? If we really want to be a progressive parent, why are we frustrated that we have to pay our babysitter $18 an hour, which is a living wage, rather than $12? Personal activism requires so much more from us. . .

. . . I do think the mere fact that I gave birth "out of wedlock" gives me certain feminist credibility, though there are lots of feminists out there still asking me when I'm going to get married. And yet it wasn't so much a well-thought-out choice -- more circumstantial than premeditated. But yes, I think feminism's job, and this goes beyond parenting issues, is to keep us from being lazy. And yet, feminism requires so much from us that sometimes I often want to just retreat into convention.

One argument I make in Opting In is that I'm sympathetic to women who want to "just stay home." It's the societally accepted choice, and it makes sense that people would be seduced by it. I don't think this makes your life easier, but I think you have to explain yourself less. And yet, feminism's job is to get us to not just accept our roles, but legitimately choose them.