Wax Away

I've really had it with Bush. I can't stand one more minute while he waxes on about how he's kept the nation safe -- what, did his presidency start on 9/12/01? 

And his disappointments -- that there were no WMDs in Iraq. That's not a disappointment, that's a wrongful war. And what about Enron, Katrina, my civil rights.

Well, there is someone who understands. Bliss Spa sent out a special offer for all the women who want to be rid of their Bush. As they put it: "Say farewell to Bush. . . special 'presidential transitional' savings of 20%." 

With the sad economy, savings for removal of any kind are appreciated.

I'll be glad when the Bush is gone down there, and in D.C.

I Am Woman. See Me Naked

She was first spotted on the Web. Then I saw her peeking out behind the comparatively chaste women's magazines on newsstands. She's so almost-bare that my husband was too embarrassed to buy a copy of the magazine with other women present.

But I want to buy 100 copies and paper my room with them. Make it my new screen saver. Text the image to all my friends. Jennifer Aniston on the cover of GQ is unabashed, naked except for a tie and strategically placed index fingers. She looks sexy, brash, and incredibly toned. She looks good. She looks very, very good. But that's not the best part.  She's thirty-freaking-nine. My age. The age of many of my friends, who also look good. 

If we send up a time capsule to Mars, I want that image in it. I want aliens to understand how good we can look at 39. Other life forms need to know.

Maybe Aniston did it for publicity or to remind Brad for the umpteenth time what he gave up to take on all those kids and the biggest ego this side of the equator. In short, I don't think this jaw-dropping cover was done with altruism in mind. But just look at her. Yes, I know that photo retouching is kind. But still. 

She looks free, happy, and maybe most important, very unencumbered. I want to shout it from the rooftops. She is me! She is 39 for all of us.

She's Back, Baby!

Looks like another up side to getting Hillary Clinton into Obama's "team of rivals" is it brought back postpartum Amy Poehler to play her on  "SNL." Maybe there is humor to be found in an Obama administration. After all, it's a thrill to see Hill at State. But that does not mean that for every woman, he gets to pick a jerky man. I'm filled with ire over the pick of Larry Summers in a confirmation-free appointment, giving the ousted Harvard prez a second chance at showing he's not a total sexist pig, only an arrogant jerk. Obama, you've got some 'splaining to do.

Black Is the New Black
There is a new game in town. All it took to restore Democrats to government was two wars, a failed economy and a sitting president with one of the worst approval ratings in history. Not to mention opting out of public campaign financing in order to spend zillions to win.

But he did it. Obama is a presidential prodigy. Noone ever had a chance against his oratory, his organization and his inspiration. Here we are in 2008, where women finally came out to vote after only getting the vote in 1920 and the fight for Civil Rights movement is a recent memory that Obama harkened back to in the cadences of his speech. It's a new day.

Campaign Accessories

Looks like Caribou Barbie has got the wardrobe to go with the name. In a move that only those of us outside "real America" could appreciate, the McCain campaign dropped some serious cash on their shiny Sarah star -- 150,000 large -- to outfit McCain's campaign accessory with some clothes and accessories of her own, from Neiman's, Barney's, and Saks Fifth Avenue. Wal-mart it's not.

The timing of the purchases, in early September, weren't reported till this month, so that the hockey mom had some time to burnish her blue collar, working girl image, takin' the "g" off her words, and showin' how she walked in the shoes of small-town Americans. Except her shoes are Manolo Blahniks. Joke's on you, Joe six pack!

This latest campaign fiasco, which has managed to enrage the left and the right, isn't going to help Palin's approval ratings, which are already sinking faster than an ice floe in the North Pole. Cost of overpriced campaign wardrobe: $150,000. Cost of losing the election: priceless.

Waxing On

You know an election is getting serious when you're in the beauty salon, and instead of the latest celeb gossip, your esthetician wants the political dirt.

The woman waxing me, Erin, who I've known for years, heated up the hot wax and then got heated. "I haven't seen the debates and I only wanted to ask you how they went," she said. Emphasis on you, which is me. She continued that another client, who was pro-McCain, had made herself ugly, despite Erin's best efforts, with her mean-spirited -- and misinformed -- comments about Obama's proposed tax policy.

"She's wrong." I said.

"I knew it!" said Erin. Then riiiiiip with the wax strip.

"He'll only -- ouch -- raises taxes on people who make over $250,000 a year." Which, really, is a lot less painful that what I was undergoing at the moment.

"Right," said Erin. Riiiiiip. "That's not what this client told me. I knew she was wrong." Riiiiiip.

Erin and I had both been Hillary supporters. But now we were both pulling for Obama, big time. 

The client had accused Erin of not knowing her facts, then stormed off when Erin questioned hers.

"I try to stay out of talking politics with people, but she just kept on coming at me," Erin said. Riiiiiip.

Fact is, what works for Erin's client won't work for the country. Unless, of course, we all want to get waxed. Where I'm standing, that wouldn't be such a bad idea.

He Said, She Said

Okay, Joe Biden: I have words for you. Here's a line to use in the only VP debate in the election season that's tonight:

I know Hillary Clinton. I'm friends with Hillary Clinton. Sarah Palin, you're no Hillary Clinton.

That one's on the house.

The Republican Convention. Sponsored by Amnesia

When conveniently forgetting is just the ticket for the Republican ticket.

To recap, John McCain's number two is a virulently anti-choice "woman" whose 17-year-old daughter, we've learned, is pregnant and "made the decision" to keep the pregnancy. What's another word for that? Samantha Bee from the Daily Show hit the floor at the Republican Convention to see if anyone could spit it out.

Chicks Coming Home to Roost
Don't you love it when the Republicans decide that an issue like a girl's pregnancy, who happens to be the teenage daughter of the V.P. candidate, is a private issue?

OK, fine. The family's off limits. Bristol Palin, the 17-year-old daughter of Sarah Palin, the Republican V.P. nominee, is pregnant, and intends to have the baby and marry the father. That we know. But if that's not our business (even though conservatives feel just fine about telling women what to do with their bodies, and their lives), let's focus on the policy of these hypocrites, sorry, candidates.

According to Salon.com, Sarah Palin stood against any funding for sex ed in Alaska. (How'd that work out?)

John McCain has never really been able to discuss the issue of sex, STDs, AIDS or pregnancy without squirming or seeming completely uneducated on the topic. According to the same story:

In 2006, McCain joined fellow Republicans in voting against a Senate Democratic proposal to send $100 million to communities for teen-pregnancy prevention programs that would have included sex education about contraceptives.

In 2005, McCain opposed a Senate Democratic proposal that would have spent tens of millions of dollars to pay for pregnancy prevention programs other than abstinence-only education, including education on emergency contraception such as the morning-after pill. The bill also would have required insurance companies that cover Viagra to also pay for prescription contraception.

Sure, it's a private matter. But when your private beliefs affect all pregnant teens, it's all of our business.

His Right to Choose

Hey, Obama, I just want you to know: about your veep pick, no hard feelings. It's not who I would have gone for. That Biden has a big mouth and it gets him into trouble. He has criticized you in the past -- but clearly you can let bygones...and it must feel good to have the guy who's used to running the roost in the Senate now eating out of your hand. I get it. And in the end, it's your choice. You're the one who's got to live with it.

But you know what, I've got to live with it, too. And not just me. America's got to live with it. So keep your boy in line and make sure he gets the job done.

Point is, nobody's perfect. Not even you. Can't make everyone happy, but you will if you win.

So get out there and win this thing.

Clinton: Veep Nuclear Option

It's not just me who thinks this, and it's not just 'coz I supported HRC in the primary. She can do what no white man can do to the Obama ticket as number two -- add more excitement. This race is no slam dunk. The country is divided as ever. Despite Obama's amazing ability  in bringing out the young, new voters, it's not enough to win him a clear majority. He needs his veep to do more than add gravitas, he needs some magic.

As described on Yahoo! News in running through a Clinton "dream ticket" scenario:

If Obama takes the stage in front of the Old State Capital in Springfield, Illinois, Saturday with Evan Bayh at his side, it will be news -- but not very exciting news. If he does so with Joe Biden, it will be bigger new -- but it's not like Biden brings the "wow" factor.

If Obama takes the stage with Clinton at his side, it will be the dominant news story of the weekend, the convention and perhaps of the fall campaign.

'Nuf said.

A Demographic Shift

Finally, my demographic is being recognized (or should I clarify, my almost-demographic):

Twenty percent of women in the age range of 40-44 are having fewer or no kids compared to 30 years ago, according to the latest study by the Census Bureau.

As reported by the New York Times:

"Clearly women have competing alternatives for the use of their time, with the labor market and employment being one and delayed marriage, which has been another trend,” said Suzanne Bianchi, chairwoman of the sociology department at the University of Maryland. “The interesting question is, has it stopped? Is this it, or will we see even higher rates of childlessness among future generations?”

In economically under-developed nations, the logic has always been to improve the lot of women, and the birth rate goes down. I guess here in the U.S. we can consider the lot of women, at least for this age group, improved.

Obama -- Pick One for the Dames

Sen. Obama, I just can't take it. All these news reports that the top VP picks are a slot of liberal, white men. Safeties. Make the white guys in the middle of the country happy, because, for sure those guys would go for you over a really white candidate.

Seriously. Did you get where you are by being safe?

If that's the case, then you should go for the truly safe choice. Pick Hillary.

Why? First, Clinton got almost as many votes as you did. She got the bitter vote (and with her not on your ticket, instead of facing bitter white men, you're facing bitter white women -- one would argue much worse for you), she's the top pick of VP choices in the polls, and frankly, she'd be great.

I want to wake up tomorrow with a text message from you -- the candidate of tomorrow -- telling me that you've made a choice that's smart today.

Here's to hoping.

Take Your "Staycation" with B-Side

Dog days of summer got you down? Then tune in and cheer up -- the new B-Side edition is here.

Click to B-Side for your latest dose of summer fun without ever leaving the house or gassing up. Here's the best part: This latest B-Side won't even leave you with lack-of-time-off rage, 'coz it's all about vacations that didn't quite live up to the hype. Enjoy.

When the Personal Is Just Sleazy

It's always hard to get our lessons from "The National Enquirer." But their dogged reporting seems to be really good at bringing down good liberal men -- Gary Hart's "monkey business," Bill Clinton's Gennifer Flowers imbroglio, and now John Edwards with his outed affair. For John Edwards, whose political career had been careening downwards since he helped Kerry lose the presidency in '04, this just seems a tawdry footnote to a candidate who came across to me as rather a too-smooth operator. 

Sure, lots of people have affairs, and to judge his is an all-too American -- and rather boring -- pursuit. It really doesn't help his case that the guy presented himself as a family man and a self-less (sort of) hero continuing on with his losing presidential bid by the side of his wife who is struggling with her battle with cancer. 

But when the story of their  lives becomes the blueprint for which the American people get asked to vote on, then, well, it is fair game -- in an unfair, "National Enquirer" world.

Feeling the Economic Pinch -- Also Women's Work

If the economy seems to be getting you down, you're not alone. It's bad for sisters all over. At least according to one recent poll, women are way more likely than men to worry about meeting their financial goals over the next five years. Gives depression a whole new meaning.

Turns Out, Math Class Isn't Hard

A new study out of high school students shows no gender gap in math scores. Take that, Barbie. You know, the one who said "Math class is tough." Yah, not so much anymore.

According to the story in the New York Times,

Although boys in high school performed better than girls in math 20 years ago, the researchers found, that is no longer the case. The reason, they said, is simple: Girls used to take fewer advanced math courses than boys, but now they are taking just as many.

“Now that enrollment in advanced math courses is equalized, we don’t see gender differences in test performance,” said Marcia C. Linn of the University of California, Berkeley, a co-author of the study. “But people are surprised by these findings, which suggests to me that the stereotypes are still there.”

Maybe a new Math Genius Barbie would do the trick.

Finally, a Remote Control You'll Want Your Man to Have

If you're like me, you either have too many remotes in your house, or find yourself at battle over who gets to control them. Here's a twist on the topic I never expected: scientists in Australia are hard at work developing a remote control over men's sperm count. According to the article,

"Since it is flexible, the polymer either contracts or expands as a result, and this movement allows the valve to be opened or closed as needed," explains team leader Said Al-Sarawi.

"It will be like turning a TV on and off with a remote control," added team founder Derek Abbott, "except that the remote will probably be locked away in your local doctor's office to safeguard against accidental pregnancy or potential misuse of the device."

Aw, no fair!

Nineties Nostalgia

Maybe it was the idea of Hillary Clinton bringing sexy back to the White House for a rehash of '90s policy, peace and prosperity. Or maybe it was the sudden outcropping of frozen yogurt shops again. Or possibly, the acerbic T-shirts, new fondness for grunge rock and way-back hip-hop I've noticed in movies like Definitely,  Maybe (much of which takes place during the Clinton run for the White House in '92) or The Wackness, set very seriously in 1994. But it seems like we've hardly crested the 00s when we're trying to re-live the 90s. 

Now, I'm not digging up my favorite pair or vintage men's Levis, the ones with holes carefully cut out of them and rolled up just so. My hair is down to a reasonable size for once -- this decade has been good for curly hair. So I'm not advocating diving back in. But the 90s, and maybe this is because of  9/11 and the ugliness of the Bush administration, they just keep looking better and better. Hey, maybe rollerblading will come back, too. Now that was fun.

Not Fertile? Not a Problem

First I saw them when traveling on BART. Then I got home and tuned to the classical station and heard them. I'm beginning to feel tracked. They're fertility treatment ads for a for-profit fertility treatment center in San Francisco. That's right; for profit. But I'm sure they have everyone's best interests at heart. It's not that I begrudge women this option; what gets me worked into a hot lather is the marketing campaign around a procedure that is neither easy nor fail-safe, nor covered by insurance. 

Or maybe it's that the ad in BART wasn't to get a fertility treatment: it was after my eggs (well, not mine, but someone 20 years younger with better SAT scores). They're also all over the classifieds (someone must still be reading those). As the popularity and well, simply the stigma attached to IVF goes away as older women seek to reproduce, the demand for those young, healthy eggs will only increase. And it strikes me as a little too much like trafficking in flesh. I imagine two vastly different types of women, one providing -- shouldered with higher education loans and a low-paying first job, willing to give up what she has for a nice, fat check. On the other end are the highly successful women who never had time to think about their eggs until it was too late, now lining up to thumb through the books of descriptions and photos of the eggs for sale. What she can't offer on her own is now yet another problem solved with stacks of cash.